Almost escaped!

Saturday, Jan. 31, 2004 - 11:55 p.m.

7 a.m.

Never made it to bed. Fell asleep in my chair, and no point heading there now. I�m not sure what I was dreaming, but I woke up with tears in my eyes�I guess even my subconscious knows I can�t allow myself to start crying or I�ll end up in a major coughing fit�and feeling just sad. Then I lay there thinking about loss and how kind people had been after my brother died and how I learned that just having somebody show up and silently offer the support of their presence was so comforting. Why I thought of that right now, I have no clue. He�s been gone for 7 � years, and I do still think about it, of course, but I don�t dream about it! If that�s what I was dreaming about. So I�m sitting here shivering, not because it�s actually cold, but because I�m still waking up, I think. Or it could be the cold water I�m already guzzling. The combination would certainly do it! I suppose I�ll crawl off for a nap sometime today. If I don�t, maybe I�ll actually get back on a normal schedule!

Do other people get illogically chilly when they are tired? I know Mom and I both do. It�s very common to hear one of us say, �I�m starting to get chills�it must be getting close to bedtime!� I suppose it makes perfect sense, since your natural body rhythm drops your temperature towards bedtime, and it starts to rise toward morning. That�s why I can�t sleep well in a warm bedroom. I get too warm and wake up too early. Maybe some of us are just more sensitive to our body temperature changes.

I suppose I need to get busy at the morning stuff� Litter boxes, cat dishes, kisses and hugs and apologies for the boys, who didn�t get to cuddle with me last night.

That sounds bad.

Well, if you don�t know by now that I have cats, you haven�t been paying attention, and I don�t care what you think!

8:30 a.m.

People, it is 0 degrees out!!! Even if the windchill is still �18 degrees, you have no clue how exciting it is to see that little number without a � in front of it. Maybe my car will start, and I will actually get out of this place!!!

I�m surprised at how excited I am. It�s not like I have any money for fun shopping. Despite the Wyndspirit Dreams essay the other week, I really don�t enjoy shopping very much if I don�t have at least a little money for fun stuff, and things are getting tighter by the day.

I need a job, desperately. And, of course, it�s all my fault for not searching harder. Or so well-meaning people tell me. (They usually word it a bit nicer, but that�s what they actually mean.) Other people tell me I should be submitting my writing. They seem to think it works like a job application or something. It doesn�t. You send writing over the transom and it will sit in a slush pile somewhere for six months before it ever gets read. I don�t care if you pick an editor off the masthead and address it to them. Sorry, that�s the way it goes.

Uh-oh, vent coming on. It just burns me when people who know little or nothing about the writing process try to tell me how to submit stuff. I�m the one who is a writer. Do you really think I don�t know how the business end of it works??? Or they suggest wildly inappropriate markets. I write inspirational romance and fantasy. No, Redbook is not going to be interested in my stories. Or they suggest I try to get a job at a paper or something else that has nothing to do with the kind of writing I do. (�But it�s still writing!�)

11:45 a.m.

I�m crying anyway, but this time because I�m laughing so hard. I wish I had a picture, but I can�t operate the camera and laser pen at the same time. Miss A goes insane over the laser pen�she chases it all over the house and literally turns summersaults over it. Miss B, on the other hand, prefers to sit on her fat rump and bat at it. Today she was trying so hard to scoop up the light with her paws! I have never seen anything like it.

And now it is a whopping 3 degrees above zero, and I�m about to go see if my car will start.

12:50 p.m.

It�s 5 degrees now, and, no, it won�t. Almost, but not quite, and I didn�t dare keep cranking. I can�t run the battery down further. I have cables, but nothing to jumpstart it from. And, so, I am still trapped at home. I hadn�t realized how much I had been looking forward to getting out and buying some Puffs Plus and Sudafed! What a pathetic little life I lead these days.

I don�t know what I�d do without keeping a running diary entry. I have a long day ahead of me, and nobody to talk to but the cats. I am getting thoroughly sick of my own company! Looking at the forecast right now, it�s going to be another week before it�s even worth trying to start my car again.

9 p.m.

I guess you know how that �long� day got spent, but I�m glad to get the site up and running. My target was to have it up and running February 1, but everything�s done, so no reason not to add people as they respond. After all, we�re really backing up to the beginning of the year anyway!

I am really excited over the page count thing. OK, so maybe excited is a bit too strong a word, but I�m definitely extremely curious as to how many books (in equivalent pages) I really do read. I�ll bet I do read close to 25,000 pages on a �normal� year! I think I read almost 70 books year before last, and I re-read all of the current Terry Goodkind �Sword of Truth� books, five books at close to 800 pages each. I �only� read 30-some last year, but I did read Elizabeth Haydon�s �Rhapsody� trilogy, and those books were almost as large. And then there was the previous year, when I think I read something over 40 books, and I re-read all six books in Melanie Rawn�s two �Sunrunner� series� (Yes, I do re-read books, and I will be re-reading those six books yet again, they are that good!) I owe Eucalia bigtime for that suggestion.

11:40 p.m.

The chills and coughing are starting up. I didn�t end up taking a nap, so maybe I�ll see if I can actually sleep in bed for awhile. The hardest part of getting through the nights when I�m like this is I have to pretty much sleep upright so my sinuses can drain. It�s actually very comfortable for me, but� The problem is, I can�t sleep on my back, and propped against a stack of pillows has the same effect of putting pressure on my neck. It triggers a migraine. So I�ve been waking up with a migraine just about every morning on top of my other ailments, even though it usually goes away quickly once I get up and start moving, or even move to the chair. I usually sleep curled up sideways in my chair, and if I get my little pillow positioned right, that doesn�t trigger a migraine; in fact, that�s how I usually sleep them off.

Ending on a positive note, when I went online to check my bank balance, I was pleasantly surprised to see enough to cover the lot rent. I�d forgotten I�d already reserved the money for that, just in case. Sometimes it�s good to be paranoid! So I guess I�ll wait till I get my next check (sometime next week) and if I still can�t get into town, it wouldn�t kill me to spend a stamp and mail in a deposit. Seems silly when I live in town, but I actually live six miles outside of the city proper, and I�m housebound, and broke (no taxi) so what else can I do? Anyway, I felt a lot better after I dropped off the lot rent, knowing the money was already in the bank to cover it even if I got stranded for longer.

One last annoyance, though. I have all of my other income tax stuff. Only BigNameISP�s taking their sweet time getting me my tax forms is preventing me from doing my income tax already and hopefully getting a refund before too long to help things out a bit.

Isn�t there some law that they have to have the tax forms out by the end of January? Maybe there�s a wee ray of sunshine coming up!

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